I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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