I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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