For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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