Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
