i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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