he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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