Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
well you can't waste a boner
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
