When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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