There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
