She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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