Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
