So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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