It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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