I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
