Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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