I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize