you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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