the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize