You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
