JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk