Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
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Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
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ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.