she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.