Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning