He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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