Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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