I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
