Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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