ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
