dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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