My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
