your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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