How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
