So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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