Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
