Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
