Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
