im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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