i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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