My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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