someone threw a dead crab at me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
