Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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