She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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