wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
