she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
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My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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