I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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