am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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