he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
