ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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