youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
