Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need a beard to bite.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
