I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize