just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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