btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
