Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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