FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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