there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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