Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
