Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Actions speak louder than pants.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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