So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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