Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
