New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
