You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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